You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
