the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
