you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize