Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
