You just made me feel so damn special
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
