I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
