The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
