You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
