i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
