That's when you crack a 10am beer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
