It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
