She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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