"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
