The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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