Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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