I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So much Jack, so little girl.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize