I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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