Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
