Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
