I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
