Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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