Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
