I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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