I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
