Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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