Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
