My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
