I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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