I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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