That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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