to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if only i could text you this smell
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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