please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
