I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
