sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
