You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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