Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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