dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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