Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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