So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
