Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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