oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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