lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
