frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize