Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize