Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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