She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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