A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I will die if light touches me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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