I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My bed smells like the plague
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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