I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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