so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
