Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
