$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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