apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
