Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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