Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he shaved USA in his pubs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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