I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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