ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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