Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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