I will die if light touches me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
