using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
