I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
