Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
