If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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