It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
