she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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