Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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