i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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