Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
